Daddy’s Lambo

Let me drive your Daddy’s Lambo…

Alright – It’s not quite a Lambo, but it is a Maserati. What the F*ck is a Maserati? Lezzbe honest, I mean I didn’t even know what it was. According to Mr. Sport Car Extraordinaire, (My Sexy-Male-Best Boyfriend owner of so-called Mazz-er-ah-t) it’s a little sister of a Ferrari. Why– Because my boyfriend has to be original, and he needed to buy something that further fed his already I’m-a-Total-Sexy-Savage Ego and I think it’s the only one in Montana, Hence Originality.  We cannot go two feet in this town without people asking about it, or screaming nice car from there o-so-classy osmoible. Even as I was minding my own business, drawing doodles of Unicorns and rainbows, I looked over and two kids were sharing pictures of HIS car with each other commenting out our late night adventure to PLONK! Wine. Ridiculous.

Now, I can’t sit here in bitch that I get to ride around in the front seat of a Fancy-Smancy sports car on my time off… In matter-of-fact I love it, who wouldn’t? Which brings me to my next point; I cannot stand the woman that Eye-F*ck my boyfriend when he steps out of this car. Isn’t it already enough that he is absolutely gorgeous, but hey, let’s just throw in a Maserati to soup up that sex appeal? And here I am… Poor Innocent girlfriend, dealing with stripper woman rubbing their Barbie Doll Plastic Boobies all over his windshield… Well, that hasn’t happened yet, but in time I’m sure I will see it. I’m not a defensive girlfriend by any means, and I trust my boyfriend to the full amount, but a girl has got to draw the line somewhere right? I can’t have all these plastic Gold digging barbies willing to drop their panties at the chance they may get to fuck sit in the front seat of that car. Bitches He’s mine. – ( Man, I could write a Kanye West song about this…)

Dealing with this on a daily basis has become a routine for me #firstworldproblems. Which bring me to my third point: Slutty Ass Hoes… Let me rephrase this, Slutty ass Model Hoes, Slutty ass Model Gold Digging hoes.  Once upon a time, before my boyfriend and I were together. He was “Talking”… and by talking I mean probably screwing this Sexy-as-Fuck hot blonde Model thing who posed for Maximum. Or whatever that Mag is. Miraculously – he chose me over her. ME! Like 5’5” 150 lb. with brown eyes and brown hair ME, god forbid I am nothing special, but I must have one hell of a personality.

Pretty F*cking Average

Anyways, she contacted Mr. Sports Car Extraordinaire in regards to taking him to big sky and posing her very sexy –  not very clothed body all over his car. How am I Suppose to deal with this one? Black Italian leather-Views of Big Sky in the back ground-and a sexy Blonde half naked spread eagle on his car. I should just kiss my relationship good bye obviously. I can’t compete with perfect, well $15,000 a couple breast implants and liposuction later, I might could. But not even close.

Well. Now that I have completely stated my story. I feel like Barbie and Ken Should live Happily ever after, after all – it’s not Cowgirl & Ken.. They don’t even make a cowgirl barbie…. anyways, I have a love/hate relationship with this car. And this car, will most likely end out relationship..

Random Survival Tips for College

It’s 6:30am…. Less than 6 hours ago I was crawling into bed and now I’m brutally awakened by my boyfriends annoying iPhone Alarm going off – ya, the annoying beeping one, sounds like the pentagon just launched 50 nuclear missiles and we all have 5 minutes to live.

Gracefully falling out of bed to put some clothes on and Meander to school while my boyfriend goes to the job site- where fortunately he doesn’t have to deal with incompetent student drivers. After successfully making myself look not like a zombie… I jump in my truck to make the 30 minute, 2 mile journey to school; got to enjoy 8am classes and 13,000 trying to find parking.

Judge me or not – I believe that if my Truck is BIGGER than your Prius – you should yield to me. But for some reason I encounter way too many “earth friendly” people who cut me off, and flip the bird. – Trust me, my goal in life is not own a truck to piss hippies off, but for some reason, us truck drivers are out to get you! -Bumper to bumper traffic, and I finally Snag a spot next to a BMW and a lifted 24 valve Cummins.

Are you a little confused yet? I stated previously I live in BOZEMAN MT. And I could imagine your thinking – Middle-no-where-meth-capital- USA.. who drives beamers and huge trucks. WRONG. Bozeman just happens to be the biggest/richest trust fund baby city ever. That’s right, no one worked for their money – Mommy and Daddy cut those checks every month so they go to school.

Back to my point – After much consideration I decide to move my truck to a different area of vehicles so I don’t get a nasty note I door dinged someone’s perfect little daughters BMW.

Next thing, its 40 degree’s out and for some reason these girls convinced themselves a short floral dress is the way to go. NO…. that is not the way to go!, especially when you are wearing neon blue shorts under them with a green bando. Did Helen Keller dress you?! No, so use some of your mommy’s money and buy a normal length dress that doesn’t make you look like a stripper. I’m going to start throwing stripper biscuits at you.

It absolutely mind Boggles me that you have all this money and can’t withstand to cover yourself up! Try a blazer – dark wash jeans and reasonable heels. What is on your head? A Rats personal home? – brush it out and put it back. Maybe someday someone will take you seriously.

 

Im not quite what this post is about….